Why didn't we just commit?

It was exactly 5 years ago this month when I first met you and I instantly thought.... You are THE ONE! I don't have very many regrets in my life, but I do regret quite a few things in our relationship. It devastates me to think we got to this point because we simply never made a commitment. I think if we had gotten married shortly after we met, we would have had a strong marriage because we both would have been committed to each other. Instead we were committed to our own agendas which led us to where we are today. I desperately want you to be my husband and for us to have a family. It's simply a shame that two people could be so perfect for each other yet never come together with enough certainty to become ONE. "WE" truly are a once in a lifetime.

Tears on the "Little Jumpseat"

Day 23 should be easier than Day 1, but today was one of the hardest. After 5 days off, it is time for me to go back to work. I woke up at 4:15am for a 6:50am non-stop flight to Denver which was promptly canceled at 6:55am. I arrived at Orlando International with time to spare so I could enjoy a Starbucks Latte. I did not even want to drink the coffee, but I did want to wait in line for one....I knew he wouldn't be in line at Starbucks but I certainly had lots of hope. This morning, I had to sit on the "little jumpseat"(this is a very small seat directly behind the Captain on the Boeing 737). I would compare the size and level of comfort to that of a child's seat. The pilots were Orlando based. The additional jumseating pilot's name was Scott. He was older than me, probably in his late 30s and was a 717 first officer at Air Tran. The First officer, Keith was an older quiet former RJ pilot and seemed pleasant enough, however not memorable per se. Dave, the Captain was a tall and lean reddish-gray haired man approximately 50 years old with a short buzz style hair cut. I especially took notice of the back of his head since I was seated directly aft of him. His head looked nothing like the one I wished was directly in front of me. Unlike Dave's long skull and thinning hair, the structure of Ernie's head is like that of a child. His head is perfectly round, the shape is the text book version of bone structure , and is covered in a full blanket of soft dark brown hair. Ernie's hair cut is edgy and young for a man in his early forties. I gently laid my head on the back of the Captain's seat, shielding my eyes from the sun. My entire face began to tingle, as my emotions became stronger. I raised my head composing myself and pretending I had yawned to excuse any tears in my eyes. I looked up one last time but the petite man who made me believe in Love at first sight was only an arms reach away in my mind. He was nowhere to be seen in this cockpit on this day. It didn't matter how many times I closed my eyes and prayed when I opened them I could reach out and touch him. This 737 was heading northbound towards Columbus Ohio, and Ernie was on a beach in Florida.